4 Weeks and Counting! This is a LONG one :)

Wow! I can hardly believe I only have 4 weeks left until a real live baby will be in my arms. It seriously amazes me when I look down at my round basketball of a belly and truly think about the fact that there is a living child right there....so close, yet so far away. Does that make sense? Well of course it does. Under an inch (or less?) of skin and muscle and body matter is a baby. I can see him move, I can feel him kick. He's right there! Yet, I don't hear him fuss, I don't need to feed him, or make sure he's warm or comfortable or check to see if his diaper needs changing. He's so easy to take care of at the moment.

Now mind you, I waddle a little when I walk (especially after sitting for extended periods of time) and I flinch in pain when he gives me a swift kick to the regions down below and I snore at night (sorry Will) and I moan and groan as I pry myself off the pillow and try to sit up in bed. I'm not complaining, I really don't mind being pregnant right now. I'm still enjoying it but, it will be nice to have my body back, well sort of back...I'll be nursing a suckling child for the next two years. That's a whole 'nother post.

William has been lecturing me on my choice of foods. He has tried to make me take an oath that I will no longer consume sugar during the duration of my pregnancy. I told him there's no use, because there's only four weeks left to go anyway. He started spouting off statistics about brain development and healthy fats and protein and omega-three fatty acids and vegetables and vitamins. "Think of the boy," he says. "My little fragile boys need all the help they can get." I guess I can see some truth in that. And, I have to admit he's right when it comes to the topic of healthy eating for two. But, has he ever been pregnant? Does he know the feeling of starvation that hits you as you walk through the door from a trip to the library with two little ones in tow? I have good intentions. I start making a healthy meal, but as I'm preparing it, my ravishing hunger strikes and I grab a brownie to tie me over, and then it's two brownies and then three with a healthy glass of milk. Oh, it tastes so good and satisfying. I know it's not the best for the baby...but at times, I have been known to cave in to this weakness. What's a girl to do?

It's been five days since my last post and for good reason. Thursday was our New Beginnings program for Young Womens. I delegated and followed up and asked for more help and everything came together beautifully. I had two young women who collected pictures and letters from the young womens' parents and then put together a slide show to music and even had a clip of President Hinckley at the end that made everyone cry. The girls sang a song about being Like the Stars and we even had yummy star themed desserts. My sweet daughter Claire asked to join me on this special night. At first I declined because she is underage and I didn't want her to be in the way. Then common sense knocked me in the head and I remembered what a HUGE help she is when it comes to setting up and cleaning up for activities at the church. She cheerfully got all dressed up and came along.

I have to say she is the best helper a mother could ask for. She carried things in for me and then promptly asked what she could do to help. When it was time for me to get the program started she was still in the kitchen helping get the desserts onto plates. I was so wrapped up in making sure everything ran smoothly that I completely forgot my helpful daughter Claire was even in the building. It wasn't until the last 5 minutes of the program when my mind realized everything had ran smoothly that I remembered Claire had come with me. Then, panic set in. Was she even there still? Where was she? How could I, her very own mother, have forgotten her? Maybe it was the fact the I was in charge of New Beginnings and pregnant, but at the moment I felt that to be a lame excuse. As I stood up to conduct the closing song I saw Claire standing in the back of the room by some tables we had set up with the values on them. She looked so mature with her arms folded just surveying the scene. I mouthed to her that she could sit down in a chair and motioned her towards one. Guilt poured over me as I realized I had sat in a seat with no empty chairs beside me. I hadn't even saved her a spot! What kind of mother was I? The one person there who mattered the most to me in the building had been abandoned. After the closing song and prayer, I rushed to her and apologized for my foolishness. I told her how bad I felt that she hadn't been sitting by me through the wonderfully spiritual program. She got a little teary eyed and said it was no big deal. "Really Mom, it's alright. I was fine. No, I'm not sad. Really, it's OK." Even when she had the right to be pouting and sad, she was unselfish and loving.

Claire helped pick up, put away and even offered to vacuum the cultural hall. Every time her assigned task was completed, she would quickly come to me and request a new assignment. I was so grateful to have her along, especially with my big belly hampering my ability to bend down and pick up items. I asked her later why she got tears in her eyes when I had apologized and she said it was because she could tell how bad I felt. Truthfully, I was sad for her, but more sad for myself. Selfishly, I realized I wanted her to have been by my side for the night. I could have enjoyed an evening filled with the spirit with my oldest daughter close to me....and I had missed out. I wanted to rewind and do it all over. Aren't there so many moments like that in life? You think, oh if I could just rewind five minutes or one hour and have a chance to make a different choice. I guess that's what life is about. Learning from our mistakes and moving onward. Claire forgave me freely and lovingly, but I had a hard time forgiving myself. It was a hard pill to swallow.

Today, was our Sacrament meeting focused on the Mutual Theme for 2008. "Be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works." Mosiah 5:15. As the Young Women's president I had the pleasure of speaking on how we can be steadfast and immovable. I also go to lead the youth choir in a song by Janice Kapp Perry titled, Steadfast and Immovable. When sacrament meeting was over I heaved a big sigh of relief....my busy week had come to an end. Ahhhhhhhhhh.